Responsibility

We need responsibility to feel complete. I always wondered why all my friends, as soon as they were out on their own, wanted to get an animal. They are messy, they add stress, they cost money, and it just seems like an overall bad idea. But it's because we are made to have responsibilities.

I'm not talking about responsibility to yourself. Dishes, laundry, vacuuming - all responsibilities. But let's face it - those are things I need to do for ME...and they don't really bring me happiness.

I'm not talking about responsibility to your job or to your coworkers. We get PAID for that and honestly...don't usually have much of a choice.

I think God, our Provider and our caretaker, made us in His image. He made us so that we thrive on giving ourselves away...just as He has done. We need to be able to give of ourselves, not expecting anything in return, not being paid except in joy. We need to be needed.

Hence the stress we all place on relationships. True relationships require us to give AND receive.

Hence the natural progress of a marriage to children - a couple bonds over their selfless responsibility to a tiny human being.

Hence the desire for pets - a creature that we clean up after and pay to feed that can only repay our love with love in return.

And for me...hence the desire for plants. Yep, that's right. With Spring here and a great balcony I have not yet taken advantage of, I bought some plants. I'm growing some herbs from seeds. I probably won't get enough of them to be able to do anything with....and I don't care. It's something to care for. It's something living that needs me. I am constantly checking to see if they're growing, if they need water, if it's warm enough to put them outside, etc, etc. And it's brought me a tiny bit more joy :)

So there it is. Responsibility is necessary for life.

For a Season

I think I have finally reached a point in my life, I have lived enough years, gained the necessary amount of maturity, traveled through enough cycles and life stages for the truth to begin to sink in.

Some people really are in our life for only a time and a season.

No matter how influential they have been or how close they have grown to your heart, sometimes they are meant to fade away. The epiphany is that...

That's ok.

Now this epiphany will not stop me from trying to stop it. There are still some relationships I will cling to, knuckles white and teeth bared. Some I will mourn and some I will hope will be renewed. But at least maybe in the future, with this realization I will be able to look back and smile at what was, knowing it was only meant for the past. Maybe I can finally breathe a sigh of goodbye and look to a future of amazing relationships.

Spring Brings "New"

The warm weather and the rest from Spring Break has inspired me. I finally hit the gym...for the first time in MONTHS! And I've gone three days in a row! :D People have been so supportive. Each person has their motivations in getting fit. I finally had too many motivators to ignore it.

1) The gym is right across the parking lot...and I pay for it in my rent.

2) My asthma is out of control.

3) Many of my friends have a new resolve to hit the gym. Why not me?

4) SPRING! Gotta buy new clothes...and bathing suits :P

5) I want to be able to keep up with the teenagers I'm taking to Costa Rica in a few months.

6)...yeah you get the picture.

What are you all deciding to do now that winter seems to be fading and Spring is bringing in the "new"?

Spring Break!

Spring Break! :D Free time….that I’m wasting it online! But I’m also spending time with my family…totally NOT a waste of time.

My extended family came down to visit this weekend. And it was BUSY! But I’m SO glad I got to see them. It’s funny how now that I’m grown we’re finally realizing, as a family, how much time we’ve lost. We’ve let distance get in the way, and I’m so glad we’re all reconnecting again.

My cousins are SOOOO cute! And so smart. And I’m so proud of them. My aunts and my uncle are so much fun to be around. And my grandma is so sweet. My mom and dad are so hard-working, and I love being able to be myself around them.

That’s the short version. What’s the best part of vacation time for you all?

New Kid

I was the new kid today. I went to my first day at the youth group to train to be a leader. And I felt so...out of place. I knew only one of the leaders who was very nice but also very busy. A few people said hi. But I felt like...the new kid. It's been a while since I've felt that alone in a room full of people like that.

People assumed I knew everything, which I didn't. Did I give them that impression? Was I too afraid to ask for help or ask for companionship? Was that my job?

Besides having new insight into how churches should make people feel welcome, I have a little more sympathy for people, especially kids, thrown into a new situation....new place...new responsibilities...new people. They seem to be expected to know everything or to ask questions if they need to. Forgot what it feels like to be scared to ask questions.

Learn from every situation, right?

Daddy \ Daughter Weekend

My dad came to visit this weekend. He used some lame excuse for a reason, but really I think he came down just to see me. I had forgotten how much I missed my parents. How much I missed the little things – someone to talk to in the car, someone to bounce ideas off of, someone to decide on TV shows with, someone to hold my hand.

And even as I’m writing this I’m brought to tears, cause I was reminding what it felt like to be taken care of. There were so many little things that he did for me that were huge to me simply because they spoke love.

- He had the foresight to bring a cooler full of meat – my freezer is now completely stocked. I could survive for 2 months during the Apocalypse and not want for food.

- He stopped at a store along the way and thought to pick me up some candy – those orange circus peanuts that I adore and my mom abhors. Guess it’s an acquired taste.

- He also picked me up a Kringle – a specialty pastry dish from his home town that just so happens to be sold here as well.

- He took me out to SUSHI!!! I love that he's willing to try anything.

- We went to the grocery store – I forgot how much more fun going shopping is if you simply have someone to go with. He picked up my grocery tab as well as his. He bought the supplies to make me a GIANT….

- LASAGNA! Yep…I have a dozen Tupperware containers filled with my dad’s amazing lasagna…which I will be eating for the next two weeks at least.

And that was just the first night. I went to work \ school the next day. When I got home he had:

- Taken CLR to my shower head and a few other random places in the house.

- Cleaned here and there.

- Fixed a cabinet door that was broken.

- Bought me a cheese slicer.

- And made me an apple pie, something I’d been meaning to do. But we got to cook together, and I learned a few tips from the master.

WITHOUT HAVING TO BE ASKED! Little things, right? Well it screamed LOVE to me, and I miss that. Thanks Daddy. I love you so much.

The Beginning

I still feel like I'm just starting a new chapter in life...even though I'm three quarters through my first year of teaching. Even though I've lived in this "new" town since August. Even though I graduated 10 months ago. Takes a while to get used to being a "big kid" I suppose.

And after wallowing in my frustrations of feeling like I'm standing still and just trying to survive as my life passes me by...I eventually realized that I have it all wrong. That all those little negatives are really not that big of a deal. I guess I'm just getting used to the fact that I'm no longer looking forward. There was always something in the future...middle school looked to high school...high school to college...freshman year looked to summer...sophomore looked to studying abroad...junior year to student teaching...senior year to graduation...graduation to a real job.

And here I am. Being forced live in the present. A lesson the Lord has been trying to teach me for QUITE some time. But I'm a stubborn child. And thank goodness He's a patient Father.

At New Year's, I made a Bucket List. Kind of a variation on the overdone New Year's Resolution. And one of my "To Do's" was to make a blog that people would actually want to read. So here goes nothing!

Hopefully the life of a beginning middle school Spanish teacher can be seen as extraordinary in the eyes of others...but more importantly I hope to make it come alive in MY eyes. So become a follower. Feel free to comment. Join me on the journey of life :)